[ There's no offense taken, because he already knows that's how he is. He does brighten up when Reigen says he's smart and a hard worker, but overall it's just this... mild confusion over why this is such a big deal. ]
...you're right, I don't get it. I want to protect the people I care about, and I'll do anything to keep them safe. As long as they're safe, it's fine if they end up hating me.
[ It's not fine, and it hurts to think about it, but if he had to choose between ensuring somebody's safety and receiving their love, he'd choose safety every time. ]
Janeway was mean to you, and Danny made Nimona feel bad.
[ so he killed them, as is the normal reaction to such things ]
Vane... The entire Fox team, really. They're some of the nicest people I know, who stuck it out until the last second and they still hadn't killed anybody. So I helped.
[ "they're been planning on-" HE DIDN'T KNOW he didn't want to take any risks, when he could secure a guarantee with his own hands ]
[his heart sinks a little at the confirmation of what his problem with janeway was. great. that's what she'd theorized, but he hates that it was right.]
No. You didn't help. I understand it was your intention to help the Fox team, but what actually happened didn't help. It made everything worse for them. Likewise - killing Janeway or Danny didn't make Nimona or I safer. And it definitely didn't make your team safer.
[he sighs, a little reluctant, but.]
You actually put a lot of people in danger. I need you to understand something. If you'd been caught at any point, the person who would have died because of it was Datz. Or, if it was the week you killed Satan, the week I was the other culprit, the person who died would have been me. Datz and I have discussed this before. You might disagree, and think it's wrong that it would happen like that, but it doesn't matter. You're lucky you never got caught enough that something like that had to happen, because if it had, it would have been your fault.
[ It's wrong. Despite everything, he looks up to both adults, knows he can count on them, knows her can come to them, knows they've been helping keep everybody together. And then there's him: a brat, a twerp, the evil spirit of a murderer and all those things people have called him and they're all true. ]
If they had to choose, they'd choose you. Because you're alive, and you can do so much. I'm already dead, so there's no need...
[okay. crouching a little to get more on eye level, putting a hand on his shoulder.]
...Hey. Look. I just - I just want you to understand that it's serious, okay? I know this is hard for you, too. But I need you to understand that we care, and that we would choose you, so you can't go around acting like the risks you take only hurt you.
[ he frowns a little, because he has been taking this seriously, and didn't Datz say it's okay as long as he doesn't get caught? not those exact words, but
... ]
Then what an I supposed to do? Just sit back and let everybody take care of me?
[ do nothing and hope for the best?? bc as far as he's concerned, that's all that's left if he isn't out there raising hell ]
[he can't read your metatext but he's pretty sure datz didn't say that bud.]
No! I mean, sometimes. You can't do everything on your own. But in general, I think... the way you've looked at our situation and every week tried to come up with something you can do to improve it is very admirable. [he truly was in the graveyard like. i know i should be mad, but i'm a little impressed by how proactive this kid is.]
You knew the Foxes needed to meet their quota, and you wanted to find a way you could help to ensure that happened. I would never tell you to stop seeing problems like that and trying to find a way to solve it. But your plans have all failed, because the solution you see is the same thing every time. You've never stopped to think whether a plan hinging on something you're good at is the same thing as a plan being good.
[ All the praise that proceeds this makes him uncomfortably happy, in that "I'm going to give you the good news first, then the bad news" sort of way, and in the end it boils down to him not being enough. Like how Temenos called him, a "wayward lamb," he doesn't lack in effort; he just needs direction. ]
Yeah, yeah. "Violence isn't always the answer."
[ It's the answer sometimes, though. He's solved a lot of his problems with violence. ]
I get it, okay? I need to listen to people, and cooperate with them. [ and he goes /: at this because he knows he's bad at that, he's just not used to it ] It's just hard. I've never had anybody to work together with before. And even if I keep failing, as long as I keep trying, I'll eventually break through.
[ It'd be great if he could get along with people! it'd be great if he could learn how to work together! but look at this kid, this is a kid who had no friends all through middle school and then took another fifty years to make his first one ]
[he will just say that. there have definitely been problems here that can be solved with violence.]
You say that, but keeping trying the same things that fail hoping it's going to succeed eventually isn't a great strategy. [he sighs.] But you say that like it's just you. Everybody needs to work with other people. No one can solve every problem on their own. It is hard. It would be nicer if we didn't have to ever depend on someone, because you can't control how hard another person tries the way you can control yourself.
[that's fine. he didn't have any friends in middle school either.]
So you get it! It's hard to trust other people because you can't control everything about them! Even if you want to work together, if they can't do something, or won't do something, or try really hard to do something and it doesn't work out, it's so much simpler to just do it myself.
[ especially in a place with high stakes like this. his only guarantee is if it does it himself, and if he fails, it's all on him and nobody else. it's so much simpler this way ]
There's somebody I need to keep safe, no matter what, even if it costs me everything else. How could I leave her life up to chance? I can't.
You can't. I have someone like that, too. Someone I absolutely must get home for.
[he relates in a way to all of those feelings. but also, he is a normal guy in a world of people with incredible powers, and the person he wants to keep safe is the most powerful of them all, so he's also just kind of tired at this because. yeah. it sucks. that's life.]
It's for the sake of the people you want to keep safe that you have to learn how to trust other people, even if it's hard. If it was only you, you might have tried as hard as possible and failed, and never made it back to her. If it was only me, I know I would have failed. I would have died here and never made it back in time to help him. It's only because there are other people here with different skills than the ones we have that we both have the chance.
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...you're right, I don't get it. I want to protect the people I care about, and I'll do anything to keep them safe. As long as they're safe, it's fine if they end up hating me.
[ It's not fine, and it hurts to think about it, but if he had to choose between ensuring somebody's safety and receiving their love, he'd choose safety every time. ]
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Who was safer, because you killed those people?
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[ The first thing he did was get rid of Satan! you're welcome! ]
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I don't think so. I don't think killing Janeway helped any of those people, or killing Danny, or Vane.
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[ so he killed them, as is the normal reaction to such things ]
Vane... The entire Fox team, really. They're some of the nicest people I know, who stuck it out until the last second and they still hadn't killed anybody. So I helped.
[ "they're been planning on-" HE DIDN'T KNOW he didn't want to take any risks, when he could secure a guarantee with his own hands ]
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No. You didn't help. I understand it was your intention to help the Fox team, but what actually happened didn't help. It made everything worse for them. Likewise - killing Janeway or Danny didn't make Nimona or I safer. And it definitely didn't make your team safer.
[he sighs, a little reluctant, but.]
You actually put a lot of people in danger. I need you to understand something. If you'd been caught at any point, the person who would have died because of it was Datz. Or, if it was the week you killed Satan, the week I was the other culprit, the person who died would have been me. Datz and I have discussed this before. You might disagree, and think it's wrong that it would happen like that, but it doesn't matter. You're lucky you never got caught enough that something like that had to happen, because if it had, it would have been your fault.
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[ He's indignant, angry, not at the claim that it would've been his fault but that it would've been Datz or Reigen who would've taken the fall. ]
That's a lie- both of you are beloved, and nobody in their right mind would vote for either of you, especially not to protect me.
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Sorry, but that's how it would go.
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[ It's wrong. Despite everything, he looks up to both adults, knows he can count on them, knows her can come to them, knows they've been helping keep everybody together. And then there's him: a brat, a twerp, the evil spirit of a murderer and all those things people have called him and they're all true. ]
If they had to choose, they'd choose you. Because you're alive, and you can do so much. I'm already dead, so there's no need...
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[okay. crouching a little to get more on eye level, putting a hand on his shoulder.]
...Hey. Look. I just - I just want you to understand that it's serious, okay? I know this is hard for you, too. But I need you to understand that we care, and that we would choose you, so you can't go around acting like the risks you take only hurt you.
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... ]
Then what an I supposed to do? Just sit back and let everybody take care of me?
[ do nothing and hope for the best?? bc as far as he's concerned, that's all that's left if he isn't out there raising hell ]
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No! I mean, sometimes. You can't do everything on your own. But in general, I think... the way you've looked at our situation and every week tried to come up with something you can do to improve it is very admirable. [he truly was in the graveyard like. i know i should be mad, but i'm a little impressed by how proactive this kid is.]
You knew the Foxes needed to meet their quota, and you wanted to find a way you could help to ensure that happened. I would never tell you to stop seeing problems like that and trying to find a way to solve it. But your plans have all failed, because the solution you see is the same thing every time. You've never stopped to think whether a plan hinging on something you're good at is the same thing as a plan being good.
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Yeah, yeah. "Violence isn't always the answer."
[ It's the answer sometimes, though. He's solved a lot of his problems with violence. ]
I get it, okay? I need to listen to people, and cooperate with them. [ and he goes /: at this because he knows he's bad at that, he's just not used to it ] It's just hard. I've never had anybody to work together with before. And even if I keep failing, as long as I keep trying, I'll eventually break through.
[ It'd be great if he could get along with people! it'd be great if he could learn how to work together! but look at this kid, this is a kid who had no friends all through middle school and then took another fifty years to make his first one ]
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[he will just say that. there have definitely been problems here that can be solved with violence.]
You say that, but keeping trying the same things that fail hoping it's going to succeed eventually isn't a great strategy. [he sighs.] But you say that like it's just you. Everybody needs to work with other people. No one can solve every problem on their own. It is hard. It would be nicer if we didn't have to ever depend on someone, because you can't control how hard another person tries the way you can control yourself.
[that's fine. he didn't have any friends in middle school either.]
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So you get it! It's hard to trust other people because you can't control everything about them! Even if you want to work together, if they can't do something, or won't do something, or try really hard to do something and it doesn't work out, it's so much simpler to just do it myself.
[ especially in a place with high stakes like this. his only guarantee is if it does it himself, and if he fails, it's all on him and nobody else. it's so much simpler this way ]
There's somebody I need to keep safe, no matter what, even if it costs me everything else. How could I leave her life up to chance? I can't.
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[he relates in a way to all of those feelings. but also, he is a normal guy in a world of people with incredible powers, and the person he wants to keep safe is the most powerful of them all, so he's also just kind of tired at this because. yeah. it sucks. that's life.]
It's for the sake of the people you want to keep safe that you have to learn how to trust other people, even if it's hard. If it was only you, you might have tried as hard as possible and failed, and never made it back to her. If it was only me, I know I would have failed. I would have died here and never made it back in time to help him. It's only because there are other people here with different skills than the ones we have that we both have the chance.
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[ every one of them has different skills, and he can admit that he only got as far as he did because they all protected him. ]
I'm glad they were my team. If I was on yours, I probably would've behaved.
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Don't give me too much credit. You think Saya behaves? But I do think your team is pretty cool, too. Even Ryuki...
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[ Maybe Snake and/or Whisper. Possibly even Saya. Reigen can tell by this interaction alone how well Hanako does in listening to him. ]
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[yeah he is under no delusion that he is actually good at laying down the rules with kids. he is quite bad at it.]
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[ the very few people who can ask him to do something and he'll more likely than not do it ]
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[ And he's 13. ]
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What's cool about them? Also, isn't Datz cool? You said he was cool.
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[ and that negates it. somehow. it's like how you're free to be a gremlin towards your own family members but you're more reserved towards strangers ]
You don't think they're cool? Who do you think is the coolest, then?
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