there's a pause, and she just. immediately rubs her face.]
... Hanako. [she waits, though, because the last time he did this to her it was a she thought he killed reigen fakeout, so she just stares at him. keep talking.]
okay, this takes her a second to process, but here's the good thing - telling her now is what makes it so that she doesn't throw him into the ocean. instead of waiting. instead of pretending.
and like, this is different. and while she feels - a lot of things all at once, she kind of just leans back against the boat and closes her eyes.]
... Okay. Why? [she's steady. she doesn't even really sound... mad. just tired.]
[ He thinks he'd rather be thrown into the ocean to drown than have to talk about it. Nimona keeping her cool unsettles him more than anything. ]
Everybody in the Fox team are good people. If one of them didn't kill this week, there would be no more chances. I couldn't take that risk. [ so. he used vane. and danny was an easy choice because he didn't like danny to begin with, but more than that— ]
I know you didn't want to be the only one left... But if you were, nobody would dare touch you.
the more he talks, the less angry she is. he killed danny, using vane, and that sucks but - she didn't really care about vane, and she was so, so angry at danny this past week, and... he did it, because he didn't want the foxes to have to do it by choice.
how could she be mad at that? he wanted to make sure everything worked. and he broke his promise, but in the end, he still was trying to protect her, and maybe that's fucked up but she's never had it before. she's never had people care like this.
she loves him too, and - well. she has her reasons for this being less of a blow.
so, carefully, she holds out a hand to him. come here.]
It's that conversation that's still on his mind, so when Nimona first holds her hand out, he flinches and draws back. People hating him, hitting him, crying and yelling at him, it's normal and- more often than not- justified. He's been told again and again that his methods are too extreme, and nothing he does warrants forgiveness, so Nimona holding her hand out to him is unsettling, the very same way Will's healing always unsettled him. It's the warmth, the comfort, the love, the safety, it's the way it makes him want to cry and the way he can't stop the tears from falling now.
He reaches for her hand with not one but with both of his, clasping hers in his. small and trembling, desperate. ]
she doesn't hit him, though. she doesn't yell or get mad, she doesn't throw him in the ocean, she just takes both of his hands and tugs him towards her, and she hugs him. she hugs him tightly, resting her free hand on the back of his head.]
It's okay. [and she... means that, she thinks.] You didn't hurt me nearly as bad as Danny did.
I'm not mad at you, Hanako, I promise. [...] Thanks. For telling me now, and not hiding it. It's important to me that you didn't hide something really awful from me and then go on for another week building treehouses and doing stupid friend shit like it never happened.
[ He was going to do exactly that, have a fun last week with Nimona and beat up the moon and go home and everybody lives happily ever after without her ever knowing. She'd be safe and alive and happy, and that's all that matters to him. His sins would be justified and the truth has no place in all of that...
He's always believed that. He'd gone so long believing just that.
But Nimona still hugs him close, knowing the truth. She tells him it's okay, and she thanks him, and he's getting her shoulder wet because he's a crybaby and is trying SO hard not to ask if Danny was the one who killed Reigen because if that turns out to be true he's going to kill Danny again the moment he comes back to life
[she doesn't mind that he's getting her shoulder wet - she wriggles her hand out of his two hands so that she can hug him with both arms, not letting him scoot away. loathe as she is to admit it, temenos was right when he said sometimes the truth is more important than anything else. because even if she's the last one standing, she'd rather know the why than wonder forever if someone hated her enough to strand her.
obviously that's not the case here.]
Yeah. [she says at first, and then:] You know I love you too, right? I hope you know that.
[... god, actually, just:]
I love you, Hanako. Just so you know for sure. [she's gathered a little family here, and she cares about him way too much to let him think otherwise.]
[ Does he know? maybe he once only hoped for it, too scared to confirm anything because what if it turns out not to be true? but she tells him with every hug, every lean, every smile. every time she reaches out, every time she hears him out, every time she says "let me help you" even when he doesn't know how to help himself. ]
I know. [ he pulls her in tighter ] Of course I know. And I'll never forget that.
[ She's offered to him so many times, and he's been tempted, so many times, to leave all his past burdens and sins that shackle him behind and see the stars. He wants to so bad, to hope again, to dream, to believe he can go anywhere and become anything, to believe he has a future.
He thinks about what Temenos told him. He thinks about the people he left behind, and his heart aches for them. If they could rewrite their lives any way they wanted, if god could grant him one miracle... ]
If you don't mind waiting... Give me some time. Then come find me.
[she tells him, firmly. she's old, and she has no idea how long she'll live for - waiting isn't an issue. when he says come find me, she hides a smile in his hat. they have to get out of here first, they have to figure out all the rest, but she'd be lying if she wasn't tentatively already planning what she wants to show him first.]
[ They'll get out of here. They've been through so much to get to where they are now, and even though Hanako isn't an optimist, even though he hates empty promises and blind faith and hanging on hope, even if the future is bleak and he can't see what's out there
it exists. a future. one with him, and Nimona, and Saya, and anybody else that comes and goes, touches their lives and leaves behind a part of them. it's a future he wants to see and he has no idea how to get there, but, ]
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no subject
there's a pause, and she just. immediately rubs her face.]
... Hanako. [she waits, though, because the last time he did this to her it was a she thought he killed reigen fakeout, so she just stares at him. keep talking.]
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I was the one who made Vane kill Danny.
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okay, this takes her a second to process, but here's the good thing - telling her now is what makes it so that she doesn't throw him into the ocean. instead of waiting. instead of pretending.
and like, this is different. and while she feels - a lot of things all at once, she kind of just leans back against the boat and closes her eyes.]
... Okay. Why? [she's steady. she doesn't even really sound... mad. just tired.]
no subject
Everybody in the Fox team are good people. If one of them didn't kill this week, there would be no more chances. I couldn't take that risk. [ so. he used vane. and danny was an easy choice because he didn't like danny to begin with, but more than that— ]
I know you didn't want to be the only one left... But if you were, nobody would dare touch you.
[ she would be safe. ]
no subject
the more he talks, the less angry she is. he killed danny, using vane, and that sucks but - she didn't really care about vane, and she was so, so angry at danny this past week, and... he did it, because he didn't want the foxes to have to do it by choice.
how could she be mad at that? he wanted to make sure everything worked. and he broke his promise, but in the end, he still was trying to protect her, and maybe that's fucked up but she's never had it before. she's never had people care like this.
she loves him too, and - well. she has her reasons for this being less of a blow.
so, carefully, she holds out a hand to him. come here.]
no subject
It's that conversation that's still on his mind, so when Nimona first holds her hand out, he flinches and draws back. People hating him, hitting him, crying and yelling at him, it's normal and- more often than not- justified. He's been told again and again that his methods are too extreme, and nothing he does warrants forgiveness, so Nimona holding her hand out to him is unsettling, the very same way Will's healing always unsettled him. It's the warmth, the comfort, the love, the safety, it's the way it makes him want to cry and the way he can't stop the tears from falling now.
He reaches for her hand with not one but with both of his, clasping hers in his. small and trembling, desperate. ]
...I'm sorry for hurting you.
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she doesn't hit him, though. she doesn't yell or get mad, she doesn't throw him in the ocean, she just takes both of his hands and tugs him towards her, and she hugs him. she hugs him tightly, resting her free hand on the back of his head.]
It's okay. [and she... means that, she thinks.] You didn't hurt me nearly as bad as Danny did.
I'm not mad at you, Hanako, I promise. [...] Thanks. For telling me now, and not hiding it. It's important to me that you didn't hide something really awful from me and then go on for another week building treehouses and doing stupid friend shit like it never happened.
[that's uh, pointed. anyway datz wasn't wrong!!]
no subject
He's always believed that. He'd gone so long believing just that.
But Nimona still hugs him close, knowing the truth. She tells him it's okay, and she thanks him, and he's getting her shoulder wet because he's a crybaby and is trying SO hard not to ask if Danny was the one who killed Reigen because if that turns out to be true he's going to kill Danny again the moment he comes back to life
... ]
Thank you. Nimona.
[ for tolerating him. ]
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obviously that's not the case here.]
Yeah. [she says at first, and then:] You know I love you too, right? I hope you know that.
[... god, actually, just:]
I love you, Hanako. Just so you know for sure. [she's gathered a little family here, and she cares about him way too much to let him think otherwise.]
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I know. [ he pulls her in tighter ] Of course I know. And I'll never forget that.
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Okay. [i'll never forget that. every time he reminds her that she might never see him again after this, it digs a little further at her.]
You'd better not forget it. [...] You can still come with me, you know.
[she knows he has stuff that he needs to get back to, but she's offering anyway.]
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[ She's offered to him so many times, and he's been tempted, so many times, to leave all his past burdens and sins that shackle him behind and see the stars. He wants to so bad, to hope again, to dream, to believe he can go anywhere and become anything, to believe he has a future.
He thinks about what Temenos told him. He thinks about the people he left behind, and his heart aches for them. If they could rewrite their lives any way they wanted, if god could grant him one miracle... ]
If you don't mind waiting... Give me some time. Then come find me.
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[she tells him, firmly. she's old, and she has no idea how long she'll live for - waiting isn't an issue. when he says come find me, she hides a smile in his hat. they have to get out of here first, they have to figure out all the rest, but she'd be lying if she wasn't tentatively already planning what she wants to show him first.]
I will. Promise.
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it exists. a future. one with him, and Nimona, and Saya, and anybody else that comes and goes, touches their lives and leaves behind a part of them. it's a future he wants to see and he has no idea how to get there, but, ]
Promise.
[ they'll make it. he knows they will. ]