Nobody is mad yet. [she's just waiting for them to be, because that's kind of how her life goes. she makes friends, and then they eventually realize she's not worth it and they throw her away.]
[ He frowns like he doesn't believe her, like she's trying to protect somebody by not naming names, but also because Nimona isn't responsible for him- she shouldn't have to bear the consequences of his actions, and whoever thinks otherwise is stupid and should die and he volunteers to stab them ]
If they're going to be mad at anybody, it should be at me.
[ which. he thinks probably a lot of people are, even if they don't say it to his face. The people he killed had friends, teammates, people who cared about them and would resent Hanako regardless of reason or intention. It's like what happened with Adlet and Whisper, and the reminder makes his guts twist. ]
...if somebody hurts you to hurt me, I would never forgive them.
They're not going to hurt me. I'm not some defenseless maiden, Hanako. I can take care of myself.
[she says, firmly. she taps the side of his face with her fingers. there's this little - twist of her emotions, of something soft, because she has had so very little of people caring about her in her very long life, and even if hanako's way of showing it is skewed, it still means something to her.
but still.]
I'm not worried about my safety or whatever. You're my friend and I love you, and there are other people I love too, and it's - you can't make me stand in the middle and pick.
So work with me instead of against me. I'm not abandoning you.
[ He's sulky, but this is all new for him too. It wasn't too long before he came to this place that he made his first friend, and he enjoyed showing off by coming to the aid of the defenseless maiden. Here, it makes him uneasy, knowing people can take care of themselves— they don't need him protecting them, they don't need him to grant their wishes- and so what good is he? If Nimona had to pick, there are better friends out there than him, and he knows this.
[she feels that uneasiness, and it makes her lean forward and just whack her forehead against his. not hard enough to knock him out or anything, it's like. cat bunting.]
Quit that. [no uneasiness!!] Whatever you're thinking that's making you upset. Knock it off.
[ he can't help it, the number of friends he has he can count on one hand with missing fingers and he's possessive— but the forehead bump at least distracts him, pulls him back to the present instead of dwelling on how much of the bridge he's set on fire already.
Nimona hasn't abandoned him YET. that's all that matters. ]
I was just thinking... [ ... no, he shuts up and takes the opportunity to hug Nimona instead ] ...never mind. It's not important.
[ he doesn't want to... it's the thought that saying something out loud gives it power and makes it real, and he doesn't think he can bear having it happen again ]
Just... what if one day... I do something unforgiveable. And you don't want to be friends anymore.
I'm not gonna leave you, but that doesn't give you free reign to fuck me over, man. So you gotta think about what I want too, not just what you think is gonna be best.
I know you're trying. [she does!! he's just bad at it sometimes] But that's gonna mean when I tell you if something you did made me mad or upset you're gonna have to listen. You can't always just do whatever you want if you want to keep people close.
[god if that isn't a lesson she's had to learn while being here.]
[ Logically— logically!!— he knows this. He's been told this so many times, not just in this place but before coming here too, people desperately trying to pound into his skull that his selfishness is going to hurt the very people he's trying to protect. He knows this, but the idea is still met with resistance. ]
Nothing right now. Don't kill anybody, like I asked.
[she might have Words Later about the will thing but she doesn't know about it yet!! and then he got eaten by a crow so i guess she'll never know...
but - her emotions are easy and not mad, at least.]
And think about what I'm telling you and try to do it. [she pulls back, and puts her hands on either side of his face. runs her thumbs under his eyes carefully, just a gentle little swiping motion.] Try real hard.
[ ... He's trying, but the only thought that comes is "kill somebody when Nimona says to" and he would do that in a heartbeat. That gentle touch under his eyes makes him want to cry again, so he brings his own hands up to rub the heels of his hands against his eyes, to make them stop. ]
...Okay.
[ it's an empty okay, because he has to try hard to try, and even if he wants nothing more than to understand what Nimona's saying and be who she wants him to be, he doesn't know where to start. It's frustrating, and it's nerve-wracking, and most of that is directed at himself because ghosts don't change easily. He's still the same way he was when he was 13 all those years ago. ]
Come on, like I'm gonna tell you to behave and then leave you out to dry, Hanako. Ugh.
[she hates that she has to tell him to behave because honestly she'd really just let him do whatever he wants, but unfortunately ace, reigen, datz and temenos have given her a single desire to have some morals, so. they can figure it out together.]
Which means you're going to lead by example, right?
[ be a little goody two shoes Nimona. he bets she wouldn't even last a day before she cracks, which Hanako will just take as permission to do whatever the hell ]
Yeah, I won't kill random people because they made me mad. That's the example. [he can play pranks and be a goblin she doesn't care about that part, but she has not, in fact, killed random people so she's justified in this!!!]
[ no!!! he looks like a normal boy without his hat and it's unsettling, he's going to climb Nimona like a tree if that's what it takes to get his hat back ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ tell him. he'll kill them. ]
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None of your business.
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It is my business, when somebody's giving you trouble because of me!
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If they're going to be mad at anybody, it should be at me.
[ which. he thinks probably a lot of people are, even if they don't say it to his face. The people he killed had friends, teammates, people who cared about them and would resent Hanako regardless of reason or intention. It's like what happened with Adlet and Whisper, and the reminder makes his guts twist. ]
...if somebody hurts you to hurt me, I would never forgive them.
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[she says, firmly. she taps the side of his face with her fingers. there's this little - twist of her emotions, of something soft, because she has had so very little of people caring about her in her very long life, and even if hanako's way of showing it is skewed, it still means something to her.
but still.]
I'm not worried about my safety or whatever. You're my friend and I love you, and there are other people I love too, and it's - you can't make me stand in the middle and pick.
So work with me instead of against me. I'm not abandoning you.
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[ He's sulky, but this is all new for him too. It wasn't too long before he came to this place that he made his first friend, and he enjoyed showing off by coming to the aid of the defenseless maiden. Here, it makes him uneasy, knowing people can take care of themselves— they don't need him protecting them, they don't need him to grant their wishes- and so what good is he? If Nimona had to pick, there are better friends out there than him, and he knows this.
The thought only makes the uneasiness grow. ]
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Quit that. [no uneasiness!!] Whatever you're thinking that's making you upset. Knock it off.
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Nimona hasn't abandoned him YET. that's all that matters. ]
I was just thinking... [ ... no, he shuts up and takes the opportunity to hug Nimona instead ] ...never mind. It's not important.
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It is. Tell me. [she wants to hear, almost nudging him emotionally, curious and concerned.]
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Just... what if one day... I do something unforgiveable. And you don't want to be friends anymore.
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[she tells him, but she doesn't let go.]
I'm not gonna leave you, but that doesn't give you free reign to fuck me over, man. So you gotta think about what I want too, not just what you think is gonna be best.
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You know I only want what's best for you! I'm trying, okay?
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I know you're trying. [she does!! he's just bad at it sometimes] But that's gonna mean when I tell you if something you did made me mad or upset you're gonna have to listen. You can't always just do whatever you want if you want to keep people close.
[god if that isn't a lesson she's had to learn while being here.]
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Then what do you want me to do?
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[she might have Words Later about the will thing but she doesn't know about it yet!! and then he got eaten by a crow so i guess she'll never know...
but - her emotions are easy and not mad, at least.]
And think about what I'm telling you and try to do it. [she pulls back, and puts her hands on either side of his face. runs her thumbs under his eyes carefully, just a gentle little swiping motion.] Try real hard.
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...Okay.
[ it's an empty okay, because he has to try hard to try, and even if he wants nothing more than to understand what Nimona's saying and be who she wants him to be, he doesn't know where to start. It's frustrating, and it's nerve-wracking, and most of that is directed at himself because ghosts don't change easily. He's still the same way he was when he was 13 all those years ago. ]
But you have to help me.
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[she tells him, and there's no hesitation to it.]
Come on, like I'm gonna tell you to behave and then leave you out to dry, Hanako. Ugh.
[she hates that she has to tell him to behave because honestly she'd really just let him do whatever he wants, but unfortunately ace, reigen, datz and temenos have given her a single desire to have some morals, so. they can figure it out together.]
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Which means you're going to lead by example, right?
[ be a little goody two shoes Nimona. he bets she wouldn't even last a day before she cracks, which Hanako will just take as permission to do whatever the hell ]
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Yeah, I won't kill random people because they made me mad. That's the example. [he can play pranks and be a goblin she doesn't care about that part, but she has not, in fact, killed random people so she's justified in this!!!]
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[ Those were premeditated murders! He put a lot of thought into it! it's not like he was going around the street cutting down the general populace ]
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takes his hat and holds it above his head]
Don't loophole me, you know what I'm saying.
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[ no!!! he looks like a normal boy without his hat and it's unsettling, he's going to climb Nimona like a tree if that's what it takes to get his hat back ]
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You already have a hat! Don't be greedy!
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